Just the two of you this Christmas? Here’s how to have a cracking time sans fam.

Oh ho HO! Christmas is here! And what a marvellous, merry season it is too! A time for families to gather together round the festive table, plump as pigs and smeared with chocolate and cranberry sauce, chortling drunkenly through half closed eyes at the breathtaking wit that spews forth from the Christmas crackers. For sticky children to hurtle hither and thither, smashing into shins and backsides, slobbering over wrapping paper and pissing their pants with gay abandon. Such fun. But what if you find yourselves sans fam this year? What, no heaving mass of party hatted relatives to play mildly racist charades with? No little human babies to add a dash of childish delight and marvel to the proceedings? What then??

This will be the third year in a row that Rodolpho and I have been alone on Christmas Day. We don’t think it’s because we are socially repellant people, but rather living in Germany most of our little duckies tend to fly home for the festive season, or else romp about being German with their German families. Luckily for us, we are now pros when it comes to Christmas for two, so if you find yourself a pair of lonely little pigeons this year, here are a few tips on how to still have a rollicking good time.

Have A Fake Christmas

Fake Christmas is a long standing tradition in the Rowan house. Because why have just one? Most people don’t head off until around the 22nd of December, so by having an extra Christmas with your friends a week or two earlier, you still feel like you’ve had the family experience and feel less pressure on the day itself. Get everyone to bring along a plate and a bottle, stock the cupboards with children's games and gird your loins for a hell of a hangover.

Keep Up Your Stockings

I know that most sensible thirty somethings have grown out of believing in Santa, and have ditched along the way the tradition of the Christmas stocking, but I am not one of those thirty somethings. In fact every year without fail, I have insisted with a maniacal ferocity (in defiance of the Christmas spirit) to wake up to a stocking on Christmas morning. Why? Because it’s glorious. Just because you’re past pubescence and you don’t have a chimney, there’s no reason why you too can’t wake up like a giddy five year old to a pile o’pressies this year. Just be sure to brief your significant other, as sometimes the letters to the North Pole go amiss...

Have a Jolly Drunken Walk

After you’ve eaten a respectable amount of breakfast chocolate, rolled around in the discarded wrapping paper from your stocking like a flatulent puppy, and had a delicious festive bath, why not whip up a batch of mulled wine and head out into your nearest park? Slip a gingerbread man or two into your pockets, bring along a couple of cups, and stomp a bit of colour into your cheeks with a hearty turn in the crisp, cool air. You’ll work up an appetite for your feasting, and if you’ve a keen eye and a quick leg, you can even snaffle some greenery to take home and decorate your Christmas hovel.

Get Dressed Up

Now sure, as it’s just you and your partner/friend/fellow depressed exchange student it would be easy, oh so easy to stay in your pyjama bottoms and cosiest (albeit a little stained) hoddie all day. Hell, you could even just slump around in your granny knickers and who’s to question you? But if you want to keep a feeling of excitement and sparkling Christmas vibes, I strongly recommend slipping yourself into something decadent, slapping on the mascara, and for gods sake comb your hair. Not to mention a cheeky red lip. You can wear your daggy pants on Boxing Day like everyone else.

Mix Up The Menu

While we’ll still be cooking a traditional roast duck with cabbage and potatoes bla bla bla on Christmas Eve, this year we’ve decided hang tradition and make a magnificent mountain of tapas and margaritas for the big day. Why? Eating turkey between two people is one: beyond wasteful, two: hammers it home a little more that usually there would be at least a fistful of other rosy faces dining with you, and three: cooking together on Christmas Day is a lot of fun in itself, and with tapas you have literally HOURS of breathtaking cooking excitement ahead of you.

Make a Christmas Video

Last year we kicked off our own little tradition of filming a Christmas video to send to our lovelies. No, it was not skilfully made. And no, perhaps choosing to sing a song and play guitar when neither of us can do either with any great aplomb was not the best idea. But bugger it, we had fun, and that’s reason enough. You can download a tonne of great apps now to put together your little masterpiece (VivaVideo is great), so why not plan out a storyline together and then shriek with laughter as you belt around trying to get all the scenes filmed in different locations? Ours will be premiering on Christmas Day, I’ll pop up the link when it’s done.

So Merry Christmas everyone, wherever you are and whoever you’re with! At the end of the day you don’t need much to have a glorious time, just a little creativity and a whole lot of love. Ho ho ho!

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